Life of An Angel

Monday, June 23, 2003

I just feel all fold up.
It's a discrete sense of feeling.
Lousy.
Feeling that i'm aging every single minute.

Evening was good.
Hang out at Queensway Shopping Centre to buy shoes with my mom.
Thought it'll turn out dull and listless.
'Cos it's pretty obvious that ,we, mom-daughters have different tastes.
In fact, it was far from monotonous.
We yakked...talked...gossip way alot!
Enthusiastic.
I've related and fill her up with much details of my life.
Since she's keen, i'm like "why not?"....haha...
It's always really sweet and nice when my mom really sits and gives me total attention, listening to what i've got to say.....
And WITHOUT INTERUPTING...of coz..
LOL
Pleasant.

Night falls.
What happened moments ago really made heartache awfully alot.
It may not be the first time, but i'm just waiting to see when i'll snap.
When it gets over stretched way too much, it'll snap.
It just too overwhelming for words.
Right now, i'm just trying to suppress it down.
Hoping that it'll be buried.
But then again, who knows when the rain comes and washes all the sand away,
it'll re-surface again.
Some problems are just so teething.
Hot tears stung my eyes.
It hurts alright.
I feel downright lame and helpless.
Win's words are swirling in my head.
"Can ya stop using me as an excuse?"
"You are alot to handle."
"I fear that one day ya just get tired and leave."
"Can ya stop critizing my mum? It gets on the nerves."
That does it.
I had to cry.
I needed to.
So scarred
You know how it feels?
Feels just like a little gal being chided.
It's so harsh.
I just feel so dejected and being an irritant to you.
Noble i'm not. Neither am i that magnanimous to take the blames and faults.
I loathe having to be always the cause of oppressive arguments.
It's draining and tiring.
Weary.

My heart's burning for ya.
As it sinks deeper, i'm loosing myself slowly.
It's so down right to the core that i really love you.
It's wholesome.

Lúthien Ancalime ;
6/23/2003 02:20:00 AM Comment

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