Life of An Angel

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Sometimes i feel that I'm just an extra piece of furniture in his life.
Nothing matters very much. Not me.
All these insecurities worry me so much that i find it hard to resolve any flicks of paranoia that arise.
It's not easy.
Psychologically, it's disturbing.
Disrupting my thoughts, making me feel unworthy
and totally out of control.
Maybe i'm suffering from some mild depression
or some psychological problems.
Seeing him setting password access to his mobile messages,
makes it even harder for me.
I don't exactly know what i've done to be getting this
and it's not getting any better.
I've just been attached for barely three months,
and problems have been arising within the second.
Seeing myself behaving this way...it's utterly pathetic.
Clayton doesn't seem to feel anything of what's going on.
He doesn't realise that it's affecting me so much.
Painfully, he thinks he can do just whatever he wants,
doesn't give a fark about what's going on to those around him.
Such selfishness and self-centreness, would i be able to live with it?
What matters most...is this what i want?
I love you, Clay.
How is it that it's so difficult for you to contribute alittle more initiative and effort in this relationship?
Too young to be involved??? It's bullshit, i don't believe.
I don't wish to have us ending up taking our own separate ways.
Seriously, i have no idea how to make it work.
Worst still, i simply ain't able to relate them to you. I just don't know how.
He's been gone for three days, eleven more to go.
Not a single email nor message from him.
And yet, i find him logged onto his friendster account within 24 hours.
This means, he had been able to get internet connection.
But why's it that he bothers to check out his friendster,
and not even drop me a mail to check out how things are going?
Probably something screw up somewhere,
or maybe just not interested?
I miss you so much and probably not strong enough to hold myself together while you're gone.
Talk about being paranoia, maybe i've had too much.
All the emotions running in different lines in me.
Daddy with cancer in the hospital.
Work's not paying well.
Financial issues.
Studies.
My life sucks to the core.
The love in my life isn't reciprocating.
What else's there?
Life sucks, take drugs.

Lúthien Ancalime ;
3/03/2007 09:54:00 PM Comment