SHE
Aries. 22yrs. NP grad. Rugby,
Tennis, Running, (Sports).
Tempermental. Silly. Sensitive.
Loves Chocolate. My Friends.
Music. Hates Liars & Laziness
MOOD of da DAY:
CARES.
HATES.
MOOD.
get from unkymoods
Lúthien Ancalime ;
Lúthien Ancalime ;
Lúthien Ancalime ;
Lúthien Ancalime ;
Lúthien Ancalime ;
Lúthien Ancalime ;
Lúthien Ancalime ;
Life could have been better.
I wish....
I feel all my emotions ready to blast in me.
There's this gush of feelings each time i silently push open my bro's door.
Watching him sleeping.
Today, he came home and slept all the way.
Got up only for meals.
I have no idea what overwhelmed him.
Such abnormal behaviour.
Straight and solemn.
Mum told me that he failed his English, Chinese and POA exams.
I feel sad for him.
As an older sister, i could have helped.
I didn't do anything.
At times when life's harsh,
I long to tell my family that i love them all very much.
But courage fails me.
Just can't bring myself to show some affection.
Since high school, my mum didn't touch me.
She never hug me or even touch my face.
Even at times when she rests her hands on my shoulders,
i'll flinch. Her touch stings. It's a long lost sense of touch.
My family.
Just an average normal family who constantly worries about our financial needs.
I refuse to dig into the problems of my family.
'Cos i fear to find darkness when i reach the core.
I've been sheltered from reality of cruelness and harshness.
Life's been all a bluff.
My parents work too hard in making our lives perfect.
It's all wrong. That shouldn't be it.
I'm struggling inside. So is my bro.
He's still freaking young manz! What does he know about life?
Mum says that i needa talk to him soon.
I will. I have to. I want to.
But what should i say? What am i suppose to say?
That life's not all about studying and aceing your papers?
I can't.
He's in despair. I know 'cos i feel it.
I see his chest heaving up and down from his breathings.
I wish i can take it all away.
I'm gonna bring him to movies. Bruce Almighty. He's been wanting to watch.
Gonna pump him up abit with encouragement and wake him.
Forever my beloved baby brother. I love you.
Sigh. I hadn't been doing much these days.
It's really sucky.
Floating aimlessly.
Monotonous.
A humdrum.
I'm learning to do my bits for this family.
So..i'm going to cook dinner!
YeAH! Cool?
Yum Yum.
6/07/2003 02:03:00 AM
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Friday, June 06, 2003
6/06/2003 03:13:00 AM
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Okay...here goes...
Firstly, failed RFA.
Yeap..just got back this semester's results.
You know something.
Studying isn't daily business.
I'm really perplexed about my very own academic performance in NgeeAnn.
What a joke i may seem.
Self-righteous. Confident. Geek. Diligent. Disciplined.
I was made out of these qualities back then in sec sch.
A person who never fails her own expectations and desires.
Academic studies were my glories.
Now?
It's a laugh.
D-s. Not Distinctions.
But a mere pass or better.
Am i that lousy?
All my modules were either pathetic D-s,
or if heaven's kinder, i get consoling C-s.
Or maybe some sweet B-s, if THE ALPHA aka THE OMEGA wanna give me a treat.
Oh what the hell!!!
You know something?
You freaking know something?
ALL of my B grades come from the communication modules.
*Groanz...
Great! Just great!
*Shrieks....
Freaking B-E-A-U-tiful!!!
I just realised that I...none other than mySELF..enrolled the wrong course.
2 whole years...i'm such an idiot!
Mocking birds.
Dunno why.
I feel weird.
Sadness?
Grief?
Remorse?
I think it's disappointment.
Attitude.
*Lifts up my head...*stuck my nose in the air
So what if i failed 2 modules in all?
It doesn't mark the end of my life!
Gud 'damn i know i can't just flip tables and kiss goodbye to my studies.
I'm in for a real challenge.
Be it shit or just plain crap.
I don't care how many failures i've been hit.
I won't give up. Not on myself.
I may be dumb, stupid, lame, retard.
But i will not be defeated and loose myself.
If i've played darn too much, smoother down.
If i've been too easy on myself, buckle up.
For failure is the key to success.
Good. I'm so good at comforting myself.
Self-motivation.
Darling, i'm feeling blue.
Seeking refuge and emotional needs from you dear.
It's all over and it can't be undone.
I need a hyper mood injection!
Can't wait for next week.
I'm gonna to go wild and release maddness!
And of coz, watching over ya lazybones!
=hugs=
Know something?
I used to feel emptiness in your hugs,
But...i'm beginning to feel deeper and more.
Burning sensation. Warm and loving.
It's like a sea of passion.
And i'm sinking.
I love you so much!
All the best for ya GP paper honey!
Lotsa luck!
-muacks-
6/06/2003 02:33:00 AM
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Thursday, June 05, 2003
Waited so long for this day!
So darn freaking long!
*SCREAM*
CLubbing.
I hate it when some things just get so last min.
Impromptu.
I've got nothing good to blog for today.
N O T H I N G
Freaking tired mingling around,
trying so hard...too hard to come up with a good webby of mine.
Everything i do makes me feel much more stupid than i am.
This whole thing just sucks all the darn last bits of interest.
It makes me feel like one big freaking retard.
I'm such a pain in the ass.
I know.
I'm granting my anger like a wild boar.
I know.
Guys. Clubbing. Leechers. Gays. Les.
I know.
Spoiled. Unreasonable. Dead darn being a bitch.
I know.
My lips' tight. Tongue's tied.
I hate it when people tell me what i'm doing's wrong.
If i do it on my own free will, for goodness sake, down right i know the consequences manz!
It irritates me so damn much when i can't do this....and this...this....and THAT!
Curiosity devours me.
Excitements engulfs me.
Fun feeds me.
LoVe drowns me.
come and BITE me...UrgHhh..
I think it's a freaking good idea to get a punching bag in my room.
Boxing.
Anger management.
Listening to Linkin Park now.
It smoothes my anger and frustrations.
When irritation sets in, Engima and Enya will make up for it.
*breathes....feeling lot better now...
Now, i can think rational. Better....
Win had no idea what i was going through moments ago.
I didn't wanna blow it up and OUT at him.
Poor fella, he had enough shit from his life,
And being me, i don't think i handled the situation well.
Disappointed with myself.
Baby...my darling...
I know you care alot and i'm being such an irritant.
All the same, really happy that you were able to watch movie with me.
Bruce Almighty.
The Alpha and The Omega.
Just found out that my results' out on 6 June 10am.
I have to pass it all.
God help.
Pray.....
6/05/2003 01:22:00 AM
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Monday, June 02, 2003
So cool.
Layouts.
Looking at them gives me inpiration for my webby.
Makes me itch to do drastic changes to brighten my webby up abit.
Oh well...i forgot..i don't have a photoshop or what ever shit it needs.
I'm such a computer retard.
Not that i wanna call myself names.
Sometimes, you just feel like ranting on something.
Scream all the woes out.
You've feel lot better.
Money matters.
Financial difficulties.
I feel so distrupted each time i'm lost not knowing what i'll be after i graduate.
6/02/2003 03:33:00 AM
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Sunday, June 01, 2003
I slept at 6am today!!!
Migrated my webby through out the whole entire night!
Had Viper helping me out all the way!
Learnt so much about FTP and HTML stuff.
Internet...web tools..blah blah blah~
*stretches my body...
My dad came knocking on my door at 1pm.
Called out to him.
No response.
Back to sleep.
Got out of bed at 2.45pm.
My body clock's all in a mess!
Night.
It's the best time of my life.
I can do what ever i want with no disdurbances.
Tranquil. Solitude.
Uploaded a Tatty Teddy pic on my webby.
Really one sweet beary.
Fell in love with Tatty Teddy the moment Win gave me one on V-day.
It's anytime more huggable then Forever Friends beary.
Hey..ya ever wondered why is Tatty Teddy in grey and with a blue nose?
Okay...story telling time!
"A torn tattered brown soft teddy bear got dumped in the thrash. When winter comes, he just laid there in the open, his brown fur turned greyish and his pink nose turned blue from the cold. One day, a little gal spotted him and brought him home to her grandma. Grandma started to patch the little holes of the stuffed toy with patches of clothes. The little gal love it so much that she called him Tatty Teddy."
There you go....Tatty Teddy!!!
Tight =huggiez=
hmmmmm~
I wanna get a digital cam and a webcam.
And i'm gonna go shopping within this wk.
Great Singapore Sale.
And i really mean SALE.
Bro's bdae today...
He seem contented retreating back into his room playing comp games.
Bah~....boys....
6/01/2003 04:21:00 PM
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*Yawnz...
Had a fulfilling..tiring day!
Got up at 12pm today, went to gym.
Did my usual work out, treadmill and all....
Bathed. Went to town at 4pm.
Oh boy was it so crowded!
Great Singapore Sale!!!!
Prices are marking down!!!
No doubt i'm gonna grab the chance to fill my wardrobe!
Got a beach berms for my bro's bdae.
Pretty cool.....orangy grey berms. The material feels like velvet.
Mum complained about me turning my bro into a branded freak.
That's so not true.
Your worthiness isn't based on the kinda brands you wear.
In fact, it's you who brings out the worthiness of the brands you wear!
Oh well, my bro tried it.
Gonna change for a size bigger. LOL
Been a happening day!
Met up for dinner with Chee Leong and Pinky.
And of course, Win joined us after his driving lessons.
Feel really delighted to see them all again.
The get-togetherness kinda feel...it's awesome!
Walked all the way from Taka to Plaza Sing.
In fact, my slippers aren't really comfortable for strolling such long distances.
Had to endure with them though.
Bumped into so many familiar people at PS.
Win's PJC pals. Well....i do know them too.
It's quite a sight.
It's like everyone just so happened to cross paths at the same moment and same venue.
And the best thing of all, everyone knows everybody!
The Pizza Hut dinner was my very first meal of the day.
Damn filling, didn't look that much on the menu manz.
Oh yesh..we took Lovegety Cards!!!
So damn fun!!!
Really lovely!!!
I'm just gonna give my scanner a try, see if it works.
Gonna scan the pics in.
Ought to see it! So proud of it.
Come to think of it
Have known my JI chums for like coming 3yrs?!
WoaH~
It's MY BRO'S BDAE!!!
It's 1 June today.
~HaPpY BiRtHdAy~
All the besT in ya studies,
Happiness and Luck!
And ya alwaz be my baby brother...Heehee...
Geez
Win darLing~
miss ya loads and loads and loads...
honey bunny!
6/01/2003 01:52:00 AM
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