SHE
Aries. 22yrs. NP grad. Rugby,
Tennis, Running, (Sports).
Tempermental. Silly. Sensitive.
Loves Chocolate. My Friends.
Music. Hates Liars & Laziness
MOOD of da DAY:
CARES.
HATES.
MOOD.
get from unkymoods
Lúthien Ancalime ;
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I screamed over the phone at Win. It's bad, shouldn't have done it, lost control. Mum..you are so damn right. Who in this world can handle such a tempermental me. I can't even stand it myself. I'm tired of being what other's want me to be. All the bull shit! I want to let it loose, let it go. I'm pathetic. I've always been fighting it alone. Failure to Success. I bulit them alone.
Yet, when i'm with you, you seem far away. In your arms, i can't feel the touch. It's a blur. It's incomplete. I want to hold you so much in my arms, comfort you in any way i can. I want to be the one who brings sunshine into your darkest days, driving away evil that haunts, washing away your tears of miseries. When i look at the mirror, i see myself bringing so much agony, stress and pain in you.
I'm selfish. You have no idea. It's insanity. Loneliness. I fear the day when i'm the cause of everything. I can see you trying, but i refuse to believe it. Numbness has overwhelm me. Have you ever wish that our paths never crossed? Don't humour me. Don't needa pamper me. Few months seem like eternity. You know that. 'Cos i feel it.
5/17/2003 09:59:00 PM
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Found a splendid site for the templates!
Heehee...*stretches neck..
Hmm....enjoy!
5/17/2003 01:31:00 AM
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Friday, May 16, 2003
Boring..boring.
Felt so much better today. Went for a run. Sigh...how pathetic it can be. I have to put with slight achings all the time whenever i run and after my runs. Crawled like a tortorise. Been days since i last ran. Amazing, i've stayed home for 5 consecutive days. Totally amazing. Such lazy bumming days will soon be over.
'Coz i'm gonna go for the coming Freshmen Orientation meetings and all. Half heartedly, not really driven to go as before, but at least i get to meet new people, see old friends, and of coz, display leadership quality skills again. It's my forte! Might just give it another go, it's a drag. Lotsa hard work and effort in preparation. And when showdown, !BANG! it's over in 4 days.
Poor 'Bert. *laughs...he's been trying to ask me out. Movies, jogs, drinks.
I'm so sorry dude, i can't go with ya.
Yeap...not with you alone..haha..
Makes me feel so bad each time i'll have to turn you down. Poor chap.
xia asked for ric's stuff, on his behalf. Why isszt sometimes that we all seem to be playing some little games. It's irritating.
Firstly, i grabbed his bag, threw in the repellent, the card and the two Mac's rugger dolls.
Nope, i wasn't angry. Okay, i lied. I was irritated. I hesitated when my hands began to reach for the pouch of ear rings. I'll keep that, it's my birthday present after all. Slowly, i withdrew the card. I guess some things just gotta stay before i regret. I'm not mean am i? There's really nothing wrong returning those stuff. They weren't mine in the first place. What have i got to keep them. Okay, i'm thinking right, i'm rational. I took out the dolls and placed them back. Think rational. Oh yes, my bro's pants. Have to get it back. And my shoe bag. Yes, my one and only shoe bag. It's with xia. She's got a pair of my shoes and my shoe bag. Suddenly, things are just beginning to fall back into it's original place. Where it came from and where it belonged. I'm not being mean am i?
Good. Very good. *pats my own shoulder.
5/16/2003 09:32:00 PM
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Wednesday, May 14, 2003
Clubbing is off, no partying, gonna miss some good old fun. Sigh...oh well....maybe it'll be good this way. Win doesn't like it. I'm beginning to get sick of it too. Maybe i was right. Clubbing isn't my kind. I don't belong there.I get into all kinds of situation and trouble wherever i go. Maybe it's just me. Just like what i've told Win, if i were to ever go clubbing...i'll go with a reason. True. And now i just can't seem to fork out the slightest excuse to go clubbing. Even if it's for friends, fun...enjoyment....my health isn't up to it either.
5/14/2003 04:52:00 PM
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Tuesday, May 13, 2003
Sometimes i really feel that i'm all alone. Lacking the feel of wholeness. It gets on the nerves like the whole world's against you. IT SUX! Win left an icq msg for moi. Nothing more and nothing less. Short and simple. At times, i just feel so tired and disappointed at the outcome of how our relationship has turned out over these years. Busy people. We are all busy. Our timetables are differerent. He ought to be typically busier than i am. And my schedules aren't fixed. "Learn to live with it"..."Accept the faults and flaws"...all the relationship therapy words of wisdom. In fact we are, non-perfect human beings, seeking perfectionism.
Win hasn't changed abit since the very first day we met. He isn't unkept, yet not that tidy. Quite insensitive, yet so sweet. I've learnt to look at him in different angles with a price of pain and laughters. He represents the extremes of both the worst and the best.
Right now this moment here, i'm irritated. Frustrated, he doesn't seem to care that i'm sick and all. He doesn't drop by, he doesn't call...don't even talk about smsing me. It's driving me nuts. How i envy other's when their boyfriends are just like nursemaids and they can be so dependent on their guys. Independence. With much soul-searching, i realised that he has the flaws to my faults. Sigh...meantime, it doesn't change my mind about being disappointed that he hasn't show any signs of concern about me. -Hmmpf-
5/13/2003 04:48:00 PM
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Throats getting better..*achhoo..and here comes the flu! Bird flu! Think i'm going mad. It's so irritating and frustrating to be stuck at home down with all the sickness you can get.
Maybe i should clean up my room?...i do wanna redocorate it..but how? Hmm...i feel so irritated. I'm all so lonely at home! Nobody visits, no one cares....
Bro got his own room yesterday. Shifted his little bed across my mum's room to his newly-declared room aka our house computer room. I've alwaz wanted to get a new bed. Two-third of my room is occupied by my queenie bed. Luxurious. Come to think of it, quite lotsa junk laying around in my room. Plastic bags(whole chunks of them)..paper bags...notes(disgusted!)...tissues. And of cos the non-junk stuffs like...bdae preZzies!..bags..clothes...and more clothes! Awww...how am i suppose to pack my room?
If i don't start now.....goodness knows when i'll ever start packing...*poof*..off i go for a pick-pack session...
5/13/2003 03:20:00 PM
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Monday, May 12, 2003
*coughs..*ahem...manz..the sore throats killing me!
I can't even talk on the phone manz! *Screams..silently...
My cheeks' sun burnt from playing basketball out in the scorching mid-noon sun. Shot nice chops through the loop with a *whoosh*...
Watched Anger Management with HoweY today at Great World. Really interesting and funny..oh and alittle lovey dovey at the ending. I all so don't mind a score billboard marriage proposal! *GriNz...Haha...Win darling was chased home from school for the red eye. Wonder what he saw that gave him the red eye. Infection, the doctor concluded. Goodness..infection?! I've been with darling all these time, nothing's happened to me! More water...needa drink more water.
5/12/2003 11:05:00 PM
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5/12/2003 10:46:00 PM
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Sunday, May 11, 2003
Glancing over at the little spot where you spent your night, i really miss you. It's been a long time. I just love to look at you. Everytime it just just gives me the fuzzy feeling. We've been through so much. And i realised that i can't do without you. It's so strong, unpredictable, that unconsicously it's instilling fear in me. Each time i read The Deathwish, i start to cry. 'Cos those were your unspoken words. And you never told me. It must have hurt you so much. 20 mins have past. And i'm sitting here, drowning in my deepest thoughts and feelings.
How i wish you are here tonight. Goodnight honey bunny. Love ya....
5/11/2003 11:32:00 PM
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